Ruminations on Japan, Day 1

When in Japan...

...avoid, at all costs, the kelp. Deceivingly presented in fine white china, with bright yellow dollop of ginger, this dish is actually the devil's bile and should be knocked to the floor whenever you see it on the buffet. The viscous slime is still hiding in pockets of my mouth, under my tongue, and between my teeth.

...order the *fatty* tonkatsu. Why would you ever order regular ANYTHING when you can get the fatty version?

...don't wake up at 3am on the first morning. But you will.

...watch morning television. You may get lucky and see a 5-year old girl sobbing while playing table tennis. She is sobbing because her coach has just boxed her ears for missing a shot.

...don't watch morning television during the 2008 Olympics, because other than abused Japanese children, all you will see is Kitajima (backstroke guy) giving interviews ON EVERY EFFING MORNING SHOW. Hai!

...don't tell the cellphone rental clerk "Oh yeah, I know how to use your wacky cellphones, silly Japanese people." Because you don't. You don't even know how to answer an incoming call. And when you try to call out, all you will get from the gibberish the operator spews at you is that, yes, you should have listened to the cellphone rental clerk. Silly American people...